I Should Just Stay In On Halloween Seriously
by krynny su
Summary: \\\**Part 8 of the 'Adventures of the Time Lord & a Slayer' series**/  The Doctor and I were supposed to be off on a vacation, getting away from all things Halloween. Enter Captain Jack Harkness and an unscheduled stop in 1692 and, well...yeah.


**Disclaimer/AN:** There's some quotes from DW episode 'Utopia'. I don't own Buffy or Doctor Who, blah blah blah. Also, my knowledge of the way people spoke in the late 1600's is limited. Very limited. So, I'm sorry if it's horrible and completely inaccurate. : )

**I Should Just Stay In On Halloween. Seriously.**

We stepped out of the TARDIS…which had landed in an abandoned alley. We being me, Buffy, and my boyfriend of the last seventeen months, the Doctor.

His name isn't actually Doctor. He has a real name….I just don't know it. He explained it all to me, I just wasn't listening too closely. As per usual. He said that it's a great honor to know it, though. It's this whole Time Lord thing. Or, well, actually, that could just be his whole smug attitude. I'm not sure which.

The TARDIS is his time traveling space ship. From the outside, one would think that it's just small-ish, wooden blue Police Box circa 1950's London. It's bigger on the inside. _A lot_ bigger on the inside. I've never been all the way through it. Dawn, Xander and myself have spent countless hours in the last year wandering through it, always finding new rooms along the way.

"What's wrong with you? Are you feeling alright?" he asked, rubbing his hands across the blue wooden police box.

I learned awhile ago to keep my mouth shut when he starts talking to the (mostly) inanimate objects.

Instead, I opted for getting info.

"What happened? Where are we? This particular alley way most certainly does not look tropical to me."

It was Halloween and instead of patrolling and having something horrific ala 'Let's change into whatever we dress up as' or getting trapped inside a real live house of horrors, we decided it might be the right time for a small vacation. Well, he decided. And I accepted. He was getting restless, staying in one place for so long. I felt bad. The Doctor said that I could pick any time, place, planet or universe.

For some ridiculous reason that I can't even fathom understanding, Dawn and Xander decided to stay put and partake in Halloween festivities.

Oh well. At this point in their lives, they are were well adapted enough to deal with whatever Halloween beasties came flying at them. Just as long as Dawn stayed away from mischief-y teenage vamps, we were good.

I chose a small resort-y island in the Caribbean. We were in New York now and the weather was freezing. I missed the warmth of my former home in California.

I'm sure the Doctor wished that I had picked something more…adventurous, but, I mean, really, after our last foray into time-slash-space travel together, I was honestly just looking for a regular, plain old vacation.

I should've known better. I really, honestly should've just known. Nothing in my life can be simple, I've decided.

"Something must have interfered with her during travel. Something tripped her security measures and she made an emergency landing."

"How exactly do you know it's a her?" I asked, raising my eyebrow.

He turned and glared at me.

"Okay okay, sorry." I walked around the other side of the TARDIS and saw a man lying unconscious on the ground.

He was wearing an old fashioned, long gray coat, a dark shirt, gray pants and work boots.

I took a moment to wish that I had had a coat. It looked warm. I was dressed for hot, sweaty tropical weather, not the current chilly climate.

Purple tank top, jean shorts and flip flops, sunglasses in my hair.

My just-barely-shoulder length blonde hair was down, but I had a hair tie around my wrist, because seriously? Who can wear their hair down when it's hot and sweaty out? Not this girl.

I folded my arms and tilted my head, trying to get a better look at him.

He was slightly handsome, in a rogue-ish way.

Okay. He was a total ten, leaning on an eleven. I was just trying to keep that little thought under wraps.

"I think I found your security problem." I called to the Doctor.

He ran over to where I was. "What-Oh."

"Who is he?" I asked.

I had a feeling that the Doctor knew him from the currently annoyed look plastered on his face.

"He's possibly ruined our 'getting away from all things Halloween-' trip. Is he someone I can kick?" I asked, brightly, when I didn't get a response.

The Doctor smiled. "Now darling, you know how I feel about violence. Though, perhaps a small nudge wouldn't hurt. Just, you know, to make sure he's alive."

I bent down and slapped him across the face. He yelled in slight pain.

"He said a nudge. A small _nudge_. I think you tore skin!" he said, sitting up, rubbing the spot where my hand hit.

"Jack, what are you doing here?" the Doctor asked.

"And more importantly, why are you ruining my, er, our, tropical trip?" I asked.

Jack stood up and smiled. "I wanted to tag a long?"

"More importantly…what in the bloody hell did you do to my TARDIS?"

Jack ignored the Doctor and sauntered his way up to me. He had that look in his eye. You know the one I mean.

"Who's your pretty friend?" Jack asked the Doctor.

"I'm Buffy. Buffy Summers."

Jack smiled. "Captain Jack Harkness. It's a pleasure meeting you." he smiled. It was a smile that said ' I'm hot. You know it. Let's just get this over with.'

"Oh, don't start!" the Doctor said, exasperated.

"I was just introducing myself. Saying 'hello'."

"She's my girlfriend, Jack."

His expression changed rapidly. He was confused.

I smirked. "It's true."

"Huh?"

"Buffy-Doctor's-Girlfriend. Me-Buffy." I said, slowly.

He spun around towards the Doctor.

"I didn't think you had it in you! And look at her! She's gorgeous. Absolutely drop dead gorgeous!" he said, waving his hands all around me.

"Yes, I actually had already noticed that." the Doctor smirked.

"I'm really genuinely surprised."

"Jack. Two things. A, or, one, what are you doing here? B, or two, what in the hell did you do to my TARDIS?"

"Nice face." Jack said, once again, ignoring the questions.

"Regenerated. How did you know it was me?"

"Your pretty little blue box kind of stands out."

"You haven't changed a bit I see."

"Still handsome old me." he smiled.

"What are you doing here?"

"I've been following you for a long time now."

That irked me as a bit strange. "Why?" I asked.

"He abandoned me."

"I did? Oops. Got a little tied up. Must've forgotten."

"One question-The Battle of Canary Wharf…Rose's name was on the list of the dead…"

"Oh! No! Sorry. She's alive. Parallel world. All safe and sound. Her mum and Mickey too."

"Oh thank God!" Jack said, relieved.

"Hi, hello. None of that explains why we are here and not on the specified resort-y tropical island I was promised." I said, cutting into their little reunion.

"Who needs tropical when you've got all of this!" Jack said, motioning all around us. "By the way, where exactly are we?"

The Doctor looked around for a moment and started walking forward. I ran up to the Doctor's side and Jack followed us.

"Hmm…well, we are most definitely in the past, that's a given."

"I could've told you that." I answered, taking his hand.

He smiled. We turned a corner into a street and the Doctor stopped dead in his tracks.

"I know where we are." he gasped.

"Where?" I asked.

"Salem, Massachusetts. 1692. That's Gallows Hill." he said, pointing to a grassy hill in the distance.

"Salem. 1692." I stated.

He nodded.

" 'Salem Witch Trials' Salem?" I asked.

He nodded again,

I sighed. "Well, this isn't going to end good."

"Is she always this chipper?" Jack asked.

The Doctor didn't say anything. He just stood in place and swayed back and forth a bit.

I sighed, again, a little more heavily this time.

"You want to explore, don't you?"

"Oh, no. You're right. I mean, there's really nothing good that can…."

"Alright alright." I said, cutting him off. "We can explore. But I'm setting some limits. No interacting with the locals. Low-key. I don't want us getting noticed….if we can help it. And we're not staying long. An hour, at the most. The very most. I want to get out of here ASAP."

Both of the men's eyes lit up. They ran forward, like giddy little school boys. I sighed, again, and trudged slowly after them.

"This really isn't going to end well." 

* * *

><p>I caught up to them in no time. The Doctor looped his arm in mine as we traveled down an empty stone street.<p>

"So there I was, stranded in the year 200,100, ankle-deep in Dalek dust, and he goes off without me. But I had this." He tapped the watch-looking thing he was wearing on his wrist. "I used to be a Time Agent. It's called a vortex manipulator. He's not the only one who can time travel."

"Oh, excuse me. That is not time travel. It's like I've got a sports car and you've got a bicycle." the Doctor scoffed.

I laughed. "Boys and their toys."

"Slayers and their weapons." the Doctor countered, with a smile.

I opened my mouth to retort but came up with nothing.

"Touché." I said simply.

"All right, so I bounced. I thought '21st century, best place to find the Doctor' except that I got it a little wrong. I arrived in 1869 and this thing burnt out so it was useless."

"Told you." the Doctor smirked.

"I had to live through the entire 20th century waiting for a version of you that would coincide with me."

I calculated.

"So that makes you well over a hundred years old." I said.

"And looking good, don't ya think? So I went to the time rift, based myself near that thing 'cause I knew you'd come back to refuel. I finally got a signal on this detecting you and here we are."

"Spill it. Why'd you leave him behind?" I asked the Doctor.

"I was busy." he said, being all avoid-y. I hate that in my aliens. Don't you?

"Is that what happens? Seriously? Do you just get bored with us one day and disappear? Because if so, you should probably tell me now. I don't want to get completely invested in this whole relationship thing if you're just going to up and leave me one day."

I was having a bit of a hard time thinking about the Doctor being so careless with someone. He was such a loving person, er, alien. He even tried to help his greatest enemy once.

"Not if you're blonde." Jack smiled. "Which you obviously are. You should be safe."

"Well that makes me feel better." I said, sarcastically.

"You two! We're at the edge of a major historical event and you're busy…blogging! Come on, then!" the Doctor exclaimed.

Jack and I stopped…blogging…and were silent for a minute or two before mumbling 'sorry.'

We continued walking through the town, a bit more silent now, after the Doctor's little outburst.

Speaking of silent, this town was capital D-e-ad. No pun intended, of course.

The streets seemed unnaturally empty as we strolled about. It was just plain eerie. I didn't need my Slayer senses to tell me that. It was a feeling that hung heavily in the chilly air.

"Doctor, I think we should go." I stated, quietly.

"It's only been five minutes! You said an hour." he pleaded.

Jack smirked. I glared at him and he lost it, immediately.

"No, what I said was, an hour at the most." I argued.

He squeezed my hand tightly and gave a reassuring smile.

"It's alright, sweetheart. How many trips have we taken just like this?"

He meant to comfort me, I know, but reminding me of our past trips was so not the way to go. It would be like someone thanking you for saving their life by reminding you of all the people that you missed saving along the way. I let go of his hand and turned to give him the most annoyed look I could muster up.

"Depression Era NYC and the Daleks. The Titanic."

"Buffy, those—"

"Shakespeare and the witches."

The Doctor's eyes widened and he clamped his hand over my mouth.

"Buffy, darling, I would watch my tongue if I were thee." he said slowly.

I pulled his hand off my mouth and gave a very specific look that said 'huh?'

He pointed to the grassy hill behind us, Gallows Hill, and made a swift motion across his neck.

I focused in closely on the trees in the distance. I picked up the distinct shape of a noose-like object hanging from a tree.

I got the Doctor's message loud and clear.

Even though I had missed a lot of my high school History classes, I knew enough about the Salem Witch Trials from Willow's spewed rants to know that this was one time I should just do what I was told and shut the hell up.

Of course, though, it never works out that way.

Ever. 

* * *

><p>An hour or so later, I found myself tied to a large stake in the middle of town, with people littering dry brush all around my feet.<p>

The Doctor was nowhere to be found, which worried me immensely but also filled me with hope. Hope that he was off somewhere, perfecting a plan to get us the hell out of here.

It was a weird feeling to be the damsel and not the rescuer, so to say. Needless to say, I didn't like it.

Jack was either dead or unconscious in front of the jail cells, where we had left him after I was wrestled down and brought here, though I wasn't too concerned about him right now. I was actually personally hoping for dead, at the moment, since this was all his damn fault. If he had just stayed put….

I sighed, shaking my head. 

* * *

><p><em><strong>(An hour earlier)<strong>_

We came upon the courthouse.

An actual witch trial was going on.

My Doctor, being who he is, naturally couldn't resist listening in. I'd obliged, not happily, of course, seeing as how I wanted nothing more than to leave this place and head to the tropical island I was promised.

Everything was going fine and dandy. We were nice and hidden, with the Doctor happily listening in on history in the making.

Well, not happily, as the poor woman being tried was probably going to die for no rhyme or reason…but you know what I mean.

We were in our cozy hiding spot for a good five minutes with no one noticing us, no trouble at all.

And then I noticed Jack was M.I.A.

I sighed heavily and tapped the Doctor on the shoulder.

He ignored my tap.

I rolled my eyes and leaned down to his ear.

"Jack's missing." I whispered.

That certainly got his attention. He spun around, looked and sure enough, Jack was no longer standing behind us.

He sighed as well and shook his head.

We got up from our spot and started to walk in the opposite direction, thinking that maybe Jack had gotten bored and decided to go back to the TARDIS.

We were almost instantaneously proven wrong as there were loud yells coming from behind us. The Doctor and I shared a look and we both knew it was Jack. We ran back to the front of the courthouse and were, sadly, proven correct.

There was a group of…what were they called? Pure bloods? No, wait, that's _Harry Potter._ Pure tans? Puritans! That's it. Puritans. People. There was a group of people surrounding Jack, who had his back to the wall of the courthouse. There was lots of yelling.

The Doctor and I ran and pushed our way through the crowd.

"Jack! What in the bloody hell did you do?" the Doctor yelled.

"This man was seen to be accosting young Mrs. Smythe!" a man yelled. I was having trouble paying close attention to his words because I was too busy trying not to bust a gut over his giant powdery wig, but after a few seconds I forced myself to pay attention. Powdery-Wig pointed to a young woman, who was wearing a black dress with a white apron and a white bonnet. Gorgeous red curls were very noticeable underneath her bonnet.

"We have to get him and get out of here." I whispered to the Doctor.

"Wellll….we don't really…"

My eyes widened. "You're seriously not contemplating leaving him behind, are you?" I asked, shocked.

He floated in between silent thoughts for a moment before reluctantly agreeing with me.

Before we could go rushing in though, the crowd had hoisted Jack and were carrying him down to, what I presumed to be, the jail cells. I sighed, even heavier than before, if it was possible, and turned to the Doctor.

"I've only known him for an hour and I have to save his life. There is something definitely wrong with that picture."

"Buffy—"

"Yes. I do. Sacred duty and all that. What is it about him and you?" I said, before running off into the crowd.

There were six beefy looking men restraining Jack as they led him down to the jail. I ran as fast as my Slayer-y little legs could carry me and managed to get in front of them and block the entrance to the jail.

"Woman, move!" one of the men bellowed.

"I'd love to, but, however, I can't." I said.

They looked at me quizzically for a moment before a different man spoke up.

"Have you been afflicted?"

"Afflicted?" I asked.

"By the witches, of course."

"Oh. Right. Witches."

"Who? Name her so we can send the foul beast to justice!"

"Yeah, I'm not afflicted. I'm not moving because I don't want you to toss that man into this rotten jail. I've only known him for about an hour or so but I really don't want to see him die of the plague or tetanus or whatever other unsanitary things are lurking down there."

They didn't respond. Not at all, actually. They just stared at me. The brass woman who spoke out to the men.

It was silent for several very long minutes.

"So, this is the part where you let him go, we leave quietly and you never see us again." I urged.

They didn't say anything, still. They just stood silently.

"I can see that this isn't going to be solved with logic, is it?"

I sighed and threw a couple of carefully maneuvered punches towards the men holding Jack. They dropped him to the street and his head landed first, with a heavy thud. His eyes closed instantaneously. Blood dripped out the side of his head. Probably not a good sign.

I was ready to knock out the remaining few men in the ever growing crowd, but they all stumbled back, terrified. I watched one guy in particular, an older fellow, probably in his late forties, as his eyes grew wider and wider. He lifted his arm up and pointed at me before shouting "WITCH!"

Well, so much for blending in. 

* * *

><p>It's kinda blurry how I went from that point to being tied to a stake at the center of town, like I was the evening entertainment. Well, actually, I guess I was.<p>

I quickly decided that I needed to get out of this predicament and fast. I needed to find the Doctor and, however reluctantly, Jack.

I put all my pressure into trying to split the ropes that were tied around my wrists and arms, but the guy that had tied them was definitely a professional. They were tight and cutting into my skin. And, most importantly, I hadn't been able to get myself out of them. Yet, anyway. I only had had a chance or two to try, while their backs were turned or their heads were down, scattering kindling at my feet.

The ropes around my wrists and arms weren't the only ones I had to contend with, either. There were more ropes that were tied tightly around my bust, all the way down to my ankles.

This seemed oddly familiar.

My flip flops had fallen off long ago, so I was barefoot now, but that was honestly fine with me. It would just make running that much easier.

God only knows where my sunglasses ended up. Now those, I was definitely upset about. They were my favorite and, to top it all off, brand spankin' new. Slightly oversized. A bit old-fashioned. Candy apple red. Louis Vuitton's. I loved them. I had gotten them on a shopping excursion down the ever famous Fifth Avenue with Dawn last week. I'd splurged major on them. And now they were lost. I lost my sunglasses in 1692. Awesome.

Powdery-Wig from the courthouse walked forward and shooed away the men that were scattering the brush under me.

"That's enough kindling, I'd say. We shall start. Young lady, please state your name for the records."

"Cordelia Chase"

I had a very strong sense telling me to lie, so I did. Why I chose Cordelia….I do not know.

"Mrs. Cordelia Chase? I presume that at least one of the men you are traveling with is your husband?"

"Nope. The—er, John Smith is my boyfriend. But we aren't married. Jack, the one you tried to throw in a jail cell and probably murdered by cracking his head off the street, is an acquaintance of the, er, John. I've known him less than an hour."

_"And look where that's lead to"._I thought.

"What do you mean by….'boyfriend' exactly?"

"He's my lover. As in, you know, carnality." I smirked.

I may have been bound to a giant stake with the intentions of being burned alive, but come hell or high water, I was determined to have as much fun as my situation would allow me to. Especially if I was about to become ashier than my vampire counterparts. My fun just happened to be coming in the form of off-hand remarks at the moment.

I watched as eyes widened, as faces drew into various shocked expressions.

"You mean to say….you go to bed with Mr. Smith and you are not married? That is an outrage! An absolute outrage! The Laws of God forbid it!"

"That's what makes it so much fun!" I responded, brightly.

Too bad no one else in the crowd shared my enthusiasm.

"Whore of Satan! You will be burned for your heinous acts against the laws of nature and God himself!" Powdery-Wig yelled.

"Hey now! No need for the name calling!"

I looked to my left and grinned. The Doctor stepped out from the crowd and stood kind of in front of me…but not really. A little off to the side. If I had been anybody but the Slayer, I would've missed the wink he gave me as he strode past.

He was taking the center of attention off of me by making them focus on him, standing off to the side.

I quickly went to work, blindly tearing at the ropes binding my hands. I figured that one I got them free, the rest would be piece of cake.

"And who are you?"

The Doctor grinned his beautiful, silly grin that I love so so much.

"Isn't it obvious?"

Powdery stared at the Doctor with a solemn face.

"Apparently not. I'm the fantastic Mr. John Smith that speaks so highly and personally of."

His face twitched oddly. The Doctor's that is.

"Ooh. Haven't said that in a while. A long while. Feels weird in this mouth. Fantastic. Faaaaaantaaaaastic. Fantastic. Faaaaa-no. Still don't care for it. What was my former self thinking? Not a very good catchphrase at all. Now, allons-y! That's a catchphrase! It's good for any occasion, really. Also, it's French. I love the French. And France. I snogged the Madame de Pompadour once. Long time ago though, that was. Paris is such a lovely city. Ever been? Nah, none you lot would go. It's a place meant for fun and you all are a bunch of….well, its just not for you. Gorgeous city, though. Especially at night. They don't call it 'The City of Lights' for nothing, now do they? I should go back. Speaking of, Bu-Cordelia? Are you ready?"

"Yeah, just about!"

I had managed to completely free myself. His little random monologue had given me just the right amount of time needed.

The Doctor backed up towards me. "Good. Because I think they are, well, partially figuring it out."

I nodded my head in agreement.

"So we should run now." I said.

He turned towards me and grinned widely. "Precisely."

He grabbed my hand and we were off. I didn't bother to look back to see if any of the villagers were following us because, well, I honestly just didn't care. All I wanted was to be back aboard the TARDIS, safe and sound.

We reached her in no-time flat. The Doctor quickly unlocked the door and we dove inside.

Apparently, there were villagers following us. I heard them thudding on the door.

"It's about time you two got back! I've been sitting here, bored as hell!"

I turned towards the voice and saw Jack, sitting in a chair, with his feet propped up on the console.

The Doctor ran around the other side and started the lever-flipping process. I slowly walked up to Jack.

"Looking good, Summers." he smiled.

I was mad.

No, not mad.

Mad doesn't even cover it.

I don't think there are any words that could cover my anger at that point.

"You." I seethed.

"Me?" he asked.

I walked over to him and pushed his feet off the console, causing him to lose his balance in the chair and fall over.

"What was that for?" he asked, getting up.

"Do you even know what just almost happened to me because of you?"

"Do I want to know, I think is the question."

"I just spent the better part of the evening tied to a stake. A stake that they intended burning me on. Why you ask? Because I knocked out a couple of guys trying to save your ass outside of the jail."

"Oh, right. That."

"Immortal?" I asked.

"How did you know?" he asked, astonished.

"I'm not a moron. They dropped you with enough force to kill you as soon as your head hit. I see you now. You're not dead. Therefore, you're immortal or something similar."

"Yeah, but how do you know about-"

"I'm the Slayer."

"_A_ Slayer." the Doctor corrected.

"Right. I keep forgetting. A Slayer. I'm a Slayer."

"Which is…"

"You guys deal with aliens, I deal with monsters. And vampires. Which I guess can, mostly, be considered monsters."

"Oh."

"Basically, I save the world a lot."

"It's true. She does." the Doctor said over his shoulder, as he was controlling the TARDIS.

"Is your head spinning yet?" I asked.

"You're a Slayer. Slayers kill vampires and monsters. And you save the world. A lot."

"That's the cliff notes version, yep."

"And the long version?"

"Is not something I want to get into right now."

"Ah, it's a long and pained history I take it?"

I laughed. "You have no idea."

"I'm curious."

I sighed.

"Oh, fine. Slayers are called young. I was called at fifteen. Sometimes they are called younger, sometimes not. We are generally called to guard areas that have Hellmouths in them. What's a Hellmouth? Well, that's actually pretty self-explanatory. It's the mouth of Hell. Don't interrupt. It messes my flow up. Anyway, in my first few months as the Slayer, I stopped an evil vampire from attacking my school dance by burning down the gymnasium. I was promptly expelled. My parents got divorced and my mom, my little sister and I moved to Sunnydale, California. Sunnydale had a huge Hellmouth. Not that I knew that when we moved there, but I sure as hell, no pun intended, found out. Long story short, I met my new Watcher, Giles. Watchers train Slayers. I also met Willow and Xander, my two best friends. Toss in three hellish—literally, Hellish—years of high school, no, literally. I died on the night of our school's Spring Fling dance. CPR is wonderful. I also first met the Doctor when I was in high school. Senior year. Not important. No, you're _very_ important. I just meant the story wasn't-exactly. Anyway, I tried out some college, but it didn't really work out for various reasons and no, I will not elaborate on that. Mom got really sick and she eventually died from her sickness. I died again. I got brought back from the dead. Faced some personal issues. Died again. Got brought back again. Built an army of Slayers. Defeated the First Evil. Went around the universe and through time with him for a bit. And that pretty much is everything up until right now."

Jack's eyes were wide. Like, really wide.

"Are you alright?" I asked, not at all actually concerned.

"That….is just a lot of information to take in, in the span of a few minutes."

I laughed. "Seven years of my life squished down into one long ramble."

"And that's not even all of it." the Doctor said.

"There's more?"

"Buffy's story, at best, is just…complicated. Complicated and very tragic at times. It's really for the best that you just stick with what she's told you. For now, anyway."

I burst into laughter.

"I don't know if 'complicated' is a strong enough word to describe my life."


End file.
